Thursday, January 22, 2009

Projects and impatience.. and conservatism

I don't do well with waiting really. I can manage it better as an adult than I could when I was younger, and I can fake 'waiting calmly' pretty well, but... I don't like waiting.

The economic crisis may suggest that I am far from alone in this (although thankfully, my own breed of economic conservatism means I don't excessively spend on credit to acquire). I was so insulted when my man first pointed out to me that I am conservative.

I wanted to rant, "Conservative! I had purple hair! And wore all black for like a decade! And like art, and food and ... and..." He didn't intend it as an insult, merely an observation. Having studied sociology at uni as a minor, I thought there was nothing I less wanted to be when I was finally 'adult' than conservative middle class. It was boring, and dull and so, so.. main-stream.

I am a little more reconciled to it now. As in I accept it's true, though it does not sit well with me. For example, I am concerned with being economically stable, and providing for my family. I would choose economic stability over an arty-unstable existence doing interior design or being an artist - in a heartbeat (though I would find the latter two more emotionally satisfying). There is more, but the details don't really matter.

I guess, at heart, I am trying to embrace myself as I am, rather than riling at the universe that some kind of 'whimsical, arty, daring, brave and admirable' me that would have gone to Florence, slept with italian poets, written a book or become an artist.. doesn't exist. But that isn't where my life took me, or where me, and all the characteristics that make me, including economic and emotional conservatism, took me.

This is all sounding as if I don't love who I am, or where I am at. Neither is true. I think I am finally, getting adult enough to "put aside childish things" including ideals that were never likely to be.

O....kay. That was a rather extend diversion. What was I on about? Ah yes. Waiting. I don't wait well.

I get frustrated when I feel like I haven't been making progress (which is great in my working life as a motivator) but not so much at home. But I have been making progress and it's good to remind myself of such things from time to time.

I have finished the blue polka dot dress. I'm not super happy with it fit wise, but it is cool and comfortable and not bad for my first attempt. I'm typically heavy on myself standard-wise, and
have to keep reminding myself to give me space to learn stuff without brilliance.

The gifted baby blanket had its ends sewn in.. and was gifted yesterday to the new little niece. So
cute and small :) My own small person was totally taken. And very grateful for a girl! (She would tell anyone who'd listen that she had enough boy cousins...)

I have also started on my Smoulder. Now, that has been a long wait. But an very enjoyable knit I am finding. While it is all in stockingette, the regular colour changes is making it engaging enough to retain interest.

And I've also been knitting a baby jacket thing. It's a Debbie Bliss pattern from Simply Baby. I can't remember which one, but it's in the last of the Katia Mississippi.

And on that note, I have to go get ready to see a movie about a heroic mouse. Enjoy your day everyone!